"Fat Is Not Funny"

Well - I've been reading up on it - and it looks like the best way to go about losing weight and gaining health is eating right and exercise! Actually sounds pretty simple - if I repeat the mantra 400 times a day "Eat Right And Exercise," I should be set in say, one week?

But if it's so simple, then how did I become "THE FAT LAZY SOCCER MOM?"

I know the answer - and it is that I really like to eat things that are not healthy, and I really don't like to exercise. Actually, I really really really really like to eat things that are not healthy, and I really really really really don't like to exercise.

The thing is this: french fries = happiness, chocolate peanut butter ice cream = pure joy and I recently discovered that two scoops of black cherry ice cream in a chocolate dipped waffle cone = absolute rapture. So, thinking of this logically, if I want to be happy - I should eat all of the things that make me happy. I have been trying - and carrot sticks just don't make me happy.

Then there's that exercise part of the mantra. This also poses a problem. I don't like exercise, I don't like moving, and I definitely don't like sweat. Although texting and typing on a keyboard do require dexterous fingers and movement of the interosseous (Muscles which produce finger pronation and radial deviation), I am told that these activities do not burn enough calories to be considered exercise.

So, this whole crazy health idea might have a negative impact on my inner peace idea. No more happy foods, and I have to move around in real life (not just on my farmville farm). Bummer.

Still, always the optimist I decided to give it a try - but once I got around to the 300th repetition of my "Eat Healthy And Exercise" mantra, I was really pissed off. And the solution for that? Black Cherry Ice cream......

Maybe I need a different plan, huh? I decided to come up with a list of five non-food ways to deal with my feelings. Number one was going to be wine - but, too many calories. So, number one is - sitting outside on a beautiful day, number two - laying on a blanket at the beach, number three - sitting on the bench while my kids fight, I mean play, at the park, number four - ignoring my kids fighting while I talk and laugh with a friend, number five - make fun of things or people (even if it's just to myself). Notice how none of these stress relieving activities require food or exercise - and I think I can live with that.

I also found a better mantra - "Fat is not Funny." Since my current idea for a road to inner peace is laughter - I will remind myself that I do not find my fat body amusing - and when I reach for my most favorite delicious flavor of ice cream - I will remind myself that my physical lack of health is deterring from my emotional and spiritual health, and even though carrot sticks do not bring instant joy - they will bring long term joy which is much more important.



Oh yeah - I also read that lemons are just about the best thing in the world for everything. But - I will save that for another day.