Thursday, April 15, 2010

"Fat Is Not Funny"

Well - I've been reading up on it - and it looks like the best way to go about losing weight and gaining health is eating right and exercise! Actually sounds pretty simple - if I repeat the mantra 400 times a day "Eat Right And Exercise," I should be set in say, one week?

But if it's so simple, then how did I become "THE FAT LAZY SOCCER MOM?"

I know the answer - and it is that I really like to eat things that are not healthy, and I really don't like to exercise. Actually, I really really really really like to eat things that are not healthy, and I really really really really don't like to exercise.

The thing is this: french fries = happiness, chocolate peanut butter ice cream = pure joy and I recently discovered that two scoops of black cherry ice cream in a chocolate dipped waffle cone = absolute rapture. So, thinking of this logically, if I want to be happy - I should eat all of the things that make me happy. I have been trying - and carrot sticks just don't make me happy.

Then there's that exercise part of the mantra. This also poses a problem. I don't like exercise, I don't like moving, and I definitely don't like sweat. Although texting and typing on a keyboard do require dexterous fingers and movement of the interosseous (Muscles which produce finger pronation and radial deviation), I am told that these activities do not burn enough calories to be considered exercise.

So, this whole crazy health idea might have a negative impact on my inner peace idea. No more happy foods, and I have to move around in real life (not just on my farmville farm). Bummer.

Still, always the optimist I decided to give it a try - but once I got around to the 300th repetition of my "Eat Healthy And Exercise" mantra, I was really pissed off. And the solution for that? Black Cherry Ice cream......

Maybe I need a different plan, huh? I decided to come up with a list of five non-food ways to deal with my feelings. Number one was going to be wine - but, too many calories. So, number one is - sitting outside on a beautiful day, number two - laying on a blanket at the beach, number three - sitting on the bench while my kids fight, I mean play, at the park, number four - ignoring my kids fighting while I talk and laugh with a friend, number five - make fun of things or people (even if it's just to myself). Notice how none of these stress relieving activities require food or exercise - and I think I can live with that.

I also found a better mantra - "Fat is not Funny." Since my current idea for a road to inner peace is laughter - I will remind myself that I do not find my fat body amusing - and when I reach for my most favorite delicious flavor of ice cream - I will remind myself that my physical lack of health is deterring from my emotional and spiritual health, and even though carrot sticks do not bring instant joy - they will bring long term joy which is much more important.

Oh yeah - I also read that lemons are just about the best thing in the world for everything. But - I will save that for another day.

1 comment:

  1. I know some people are able to find emotional and spiritual satisfaction inside their less than thin bodies, and love themselves just as they are. However, some people need to have physical health (and weight) to acheive the whole inner peace package. Probably has something to do with their upbringing. You're on the right track and very inspiring with your insight and humor.