Friday, April 16, 2010

Quitting Coffee

I apologize in advance to my family and close friends, but beginning tomorrow - I am quitting coffee. I am sure that all of the people who are forced to spend time with me are screaming "WHY? PLEASE DON'T DO IT!" You see, they've been through it before. They were forced to suffer through my previous attempts to give up the good stuff - and they know what its like. The physical addiction is strong, but the mental and emotional addiction goes on for months - possibly years.

The last time I put the coffee pot away, we almost lost our house. You see, I figured it would be easy to quit as long as there was no coffee in the house. Instead, I sent my husband to Starbucks daily - and he went because he was frightened of my coffee free me. I generally asked for at least two skim milk lattes - and at the end of the month there simply weren't enough funds for the mortgage.

Back to first grade math - here's a word problem for you:

One venti skim milk latte from Starbucks costs $4.65. The fat lazy soccer mom drank two venti skim milk lattes per day for 31 days. How much money did the fat lazy soccer mom's frightened husband spend in 31 days?

So, in order to lead a healthier financial life, I dusted off the coffee pot, spent a total of $8.96 on filters and ground Dunkin Donuts coffee - and was good for the month.

Still - I keep reading about the health benefits of tea over coffee. I also keep reading how drinking 14 cups of coffee a day leads to premature death - so I'm doing it again. I think my family would rather I lived a few extra years than that I walk around in a coffee-induced state of non-b***hiness. At least, that's what I think - maybe they would want to give up the additional years with me and avoid the coffeeless monster I become. It would probably be a tough decision.

I wont make them decide, though (because I would be hurt when they chose coffee and peace over time). I am deciding for them. They will have to stand by me as I suffer through the withdrawal. But I will try to protect you, my readers, because you don't have to stick by me due to blood or legal relationships, and you might leave.

Wish me luck. Wish my family luck. Wish my friends luck. Wish my co-workers luck. Wish yourselves luck. Tomorrow is the big day, the big experiment. so, we'll see what happens.


  1. Be sure to have some tylenol around for the headache.

  2. Thank God I never started drinking coffee, just something else to worry about. I only do the mint fraps durng X-Mas! If you give me problems @ work, the fat lazy soccer mom might get popped in the mouth.

  3. I don't think so - cause then he fat lazy soccer mom might sit on you. I will try to control myself, though.