Thursday, April 29, 2010

Body Magic

So, this friend of mine has decided to sell Body Magic Girdles as a little side business.  I mentioned it once before - you know, the same friend who said I had fat arms.  Anyway, she keeps looking at me in this funny way.  I think my fat deposits are beginning to look like dollar signs before her very eyes.  Plus, she keeps dropping these subtle hints like "you really need a girdle" and "when are you going to buy a girdle?"  I have to admit that she is looking pretty hot, with all of her curves exactly where curves should be, but I'm all about comfort - I'm the loose ankle length dress and sandals type.  But then I'm thinking "You know, Fat Lazy Soccer Mom, maybe the comfortable clothes are allowing you to stay in the fat and lazy mode.  Maybe it is time for a change."  I have admit that chillin' in my maxi dress makes it a lot easier to ignore extra pounds, because the dress allows plenty of space for them.

It's definitely easier than trying to stuff all that fat into some blue jeans so tight that you you can't sit down all day.

Looking at it that way, though, makes me think that maybe a little discomfort would serve as a reminder that there is some weight to be lost.  Plus, the Body Magic promises to sculpt your fat into something attractive while you work towards having something truly attractive. In addition, it squeezes your stomach so you can't eat very much anyway.  So I decided to look into this Body Magic thing a little bit.  Check this out:

Pretty amazing, huh.  A long time ago a friend said to me "I wish that if we all had to be a certain weight, we could at least decide where we wanted that weight to be."  It looks like this Body Magic does exactly that.  Maybe it could really squish all the fat out of my thighs and stomach and push it to my chest and butt.  It's like a beautiful fantasy, realized.

The temptation is strong.  For a mere $85, I could go from this:

To this:

Pretty awesome, huh?  It really is Body Magic.  

I am practically sold, if for no other reason than that I can blog about Body Magic due to first hand experience (B, if you are reading this, how about a free girdle so that I can write to the world all about it.  I got a free lunch for my poem, you know.)

I said practically sold because, even though the photos are persuasive, and B's recent hot bodness is extra persuasive, I do have one concern.  Here it is:  I wear my Body Magic all day, and I look super fly for all the preschoolers in my classes (and for their single dads - and the cute nice guy that comes to assess the kids - and especially for my favorite UPS man).  Then I take my kids to the park where I stand around looking sexy, earning the jealous glances of all the other moms.  Then I get home and make some dinner while looking spicy in my French Maid Costume (which I always wear while doing household chores - I didn't end up with four sons for nothing, you know).  Then, looking seductive in my flannel pajamas and fuzzy slippers I get the boys off to bed.  My husband and I are finally alone together - and he has been waiting all day to get at my new curvaceousness, so now it is time to remove my Body Magic - and this happens:

And he runs screaming out the front door.  


  1. Don't do it!! Part of your journey is to achieve spiritual and emotional health as well as looking better. Very funny blog - keep it up!

  2. hiding the fat wont make it go away.