Saturday, May 8, 2010

The Voice Inside My Head

I hope everyone reading this can relate - if not, I may have bigger problems than I thought.  Anyway - I'm ready to admit to something.  I hear voices.

They're not the kind of voices that tell me to kill my husband in his sleep, or to collect all of the pussy willows I can find and burn them under a full moon at midnight.  They are the kind of voices that make me doubt myself.

They say things like:

"You look so ugly in that dress."
"You're nose is way too big."
"You have such ugly skin."
"You look so nasty in that swimming suit."
"You are so fat!"

Has that voice ever spoken to you?  Well, it speaks to me all the time.  Luckily, after 39 years listening to that voice, I have finally realized something about it.

You see, I used to think it was me talking, and I used to believe I was pretty much telling myself the truth.  You see, the way I figured it, if it wasn't my voice, then I must have been hearing voices - and we all know what that means!

Well, now I know that voice isn't me - the name of that voice isn't 'Fat Lazy Soccer Mom.'  I don't know it's actual name - I was thinking it might be named 'self-doubt,' but that would be kind of a weird name, huh?

Anyway - I have a new plan in mind.  Instead of listening to that voice, and feeling bad about myself - I'm just going to say "Shut Up You!"

Cartoon of boy with microphone
"Shut Up You!  I'm not listening!!"

So, when the voice says "Are you crazy trying to wear those jeans with your fat thighs?"  I'm going to say "Shut Up You!"  and walk out the door wearing my jeans.

When the voice says "Everybody thinks your jokes are annoying."  I'm going to say "Shut Up You!" and keep on laughing.

When the voice says "That teeny tiny bikini would only look good on a size 1 super model."  I'm going to say "You're right about that"  and put on my skirted tank that covers my butt in a modest and flattering way. (I didn't say I have lost my ability to be reasonable, you know.)

Anyway - next time that voice tries to tell you you are less than perfect - just try it out.  Say "Shut Up!  I'm fabulous!"

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